Let’s face it: selling your car online is not all that much fun.
In fact, it’s a downright bore.
There’s the ‘so dull it hurts’ classified descriptions to write for starters. Next it’s the boring buff and polish and all that devil in the detailing. And then the tiresome haggling begins.
Add into this tedious mix a few time-wasters, a couple of no-shows and the odd ‘there’s no way I’m meeting you because the sound of your voice on the phone simply gives me the creeps’ and you have a perfect recipe for frustration richly spiced with boredom.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Source: park-secure.co.uk
Selling your car online can be fun.
And we’ve trawled the internet to find the most crazy, creative, kooky, comic, ‘can’t quite believe I just saw that’ car sales adverts that have ever been cobbled together.
From Australia, the UK and the States here are the craziest ways to sell your car online… ever.
Read them and weep (with laughter).
A note on our rating system
Each crazy way to sell your car online has been scientifically graded according to a highly objective (ahem) scoring system that offers ratings according the following criteria:
Sheer stupidity
Where the lights may be on but there doesn’t seem to be anyone behind the wheel.
Superb stunt
Where publicity value overrides car value.
Polished style
Where the buff exterior may expertly cover a clanger.
Dressed for success
Where there may actually be method in the madness.
7/ Brutal honesty: ‘A dustbin with seats’
Country: UK
Car: Renault Clio
Online space: eBay
Source and images: Metro
Sheer stupidity
Superb stunt
Polished style
Dressed for success
A UK dad fed up with his son’s mistreatment of his battered old Renault Clio decided to take the bull by the horns. He put the car up for sale on eBay, along with a no-holds barred account of the car’s treatment.
This was public shaming as a sales tactic.
Here’s an excerpt of the car’s description on its eBay listing – would this put you off or would you be persuaded by the brutal honesty?
This car belonged to my 19 year old son, who now has a new car.
I can only apologise for the state of it, clearly he will treat his new one the same.
OK, the passenger side has a large dent on it where my son tried to climb the corner of my house.
He would have washed it occasionally, but said “it’s not really worth it now dad” as it has now got a big dent!
The rear of the car is in fact a large dustbin for discarded fruit, and McDonald’s, not for carrying passengers, but still he says he’s loving it.
The clutch is now slipping, again he did not know this, as loud music is the preferred thing, and could not hear it slipping, just wondered why it took him longer to get up a hill!
Still there is enough clutch left to get you home, I think.
Is there a reward for such blistering and brutal honesty?
Well, the car sold with 41 bids for £160. We’re not sure if the clutch held out to get the car home though.
6/ Testosterone fuelled copy: ‘Meat & potatoes’
Country: USA
Car: Jeep Wrangler Sahara
Online space: Craigslist
Source and images: Uproxx
Sheer stupidity
Superb stunt
Polished style
Dressed for success
Perhaps it had to be a Texan.
Maybe it was destined to be written about a Jeep.
It certainly could only have been written by a man as an act of blustering bravado relying on almost military shock and awe tactics.
The guy who wrote this car ad certainly knew who he thought his buyers were going to be: all American males just like himself.
So he didn’t hold any punches.
He starts as he means to go on.
And, boy, does he go on. It’s a testosterone fuelled sales pitch on steroids. Just sniff the locker room scents that accent the descriptions and lock up your daughters.
I should start by saying that if you are looking for a “Pyjama party Barbie Jeep” you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of to the beast before you, I can offer you two words “MEAT & POTATOES”.
This is the All American chariot of the free world.
You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie cutter Jeep son. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same. Winch yourself off that couch and see if you can handle this Jeep Wrangler Sahara.
So if you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of red white and blue Americana Machinery.
This baby’s pulse is pumping 4.0 liters of uncensored raw fuel through her straight six nuclear power plant.
And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic.
You command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time.
It has A/C but are you kidding me….Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: doors off, top down. Any man who drives this beast doesn’t give a damn about rain.
If you are looking for the kind of jeep that has to be parked in the garage, so the “carpet doesn’t get wet and soggy” then you should plant your Obama sticker on one that’s made in Japan.
This thing has drain holes in the floor to let the blood drain out from the buffalo you just killed, with your bare hands.
And forget about putting one of those “It’s a Jeep Thing. . .You wouldn’t understand” stickers on this machine cause when you’re spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way …real quick.
And so the ad goes on.
And on and on.
This guy was truly pumped.
He closes by listing 45 (!) ways the Jeep will enhance your masculinity. These include giving you more chest hair, blessing you with all male offspring, helping you catch more fish, turning your flesh into steel, getting you a higher salary and freeing up time for more golfing.
Just in case any potential buyers had misunderstood who this Jeep was aimed at the ad copy closes by exhorting any who may be still unsure that they can put their GPS back in their purse.
So, did it sell?
We couldn’t find out, but let’s hope so because it broke every trade description rule under the sun. But it got him radio coverage and a viral fifteen minutes of fame.
What a man!
5/ Sisters are selling it for themselves: ‘On the road to equality’
Country: Australia
Car: Holden Viva Sedan
Online space: Gumtree
Source and images: WA Today
Sheer stupidity
Superb stunt
Polished style
Dressed for success
Of course acts of blatant gender exclusion as a sales tactic can cut both ways. All-man car becomes all-woman car in this next crazy car ad.
In this Australian Gumtree offering a Holden Viva Sedan becomes the unlikely hero of feminist iconography.
This Holden Viva would suit a feminist.
- Manual controls: empower yourself by retaining full control over your decisions on the road to equality.
- Power steering: rise above essentialist arguments about women’s physical limitations.
- Comes with recommended Ryan-Gosling-style mechanic: he won’t patronise or mansplain you.
And such tactics also bought the seller her fifteen minutes of viral fame and added promotion of her car for sale on local radio.
This, of course, was the intention.
She commented that “I put a normal ad on Gumtree a few weeks ago and no one responded. There are lots of cars out there, but I think there is a big social media community out there that might like this new ad. I’m actually happy to sell my car to anybody. Please. Go to my ad. Buy my car.”
Divide and conquer indeed.
4/ Metal machine: ‘I need to buy tickets to see Slayer at the Forum’
Country: USA
Car: Ford Escort LX
Online space: Viral video
Source and images: Metal Injection
Sheer stupidity
Superb stunt
Polished style
Dressed for success
A (should be) committed Slayer fan invited bidders to name their price for his Ford Escort LX at the end of a parody of a Matthew McConaughey car commercial he had shot.
He simply needed the money to see Slayer at the Forum.
You can see the original commercial here:
And the parody here:
This lucky fan actually got more than he bargained for.
Tom Araya of Slayer spotted the video and contacted the seller. He didn’t buy the car but he gave him V.I.P. backstage passes and the chance to hang with the band.
So the car survived: until the next thrash gig!
3/ Brutal honesty 2: ‘If you want immaculate you’re in the wrong place’
Country: UK
Car: Mercedes e320 CDI
Online space: eBay
Source and images: Daily Mail
Sheer stupidity
Superb stunt
Polished style
Dressed for success
Honesty is not always something we associate with used car sales. Yet this UK couple relied on brutal honesty and a hilarious parody of slick car ads to sell their battered Mercedes.
Here’s the kind of down to earth sales patter that was used and the photography that accompanied it.
If you are looking for an immaculate, well maintained example of a Mercedes e320 CDI…you have come to the wrong place.
If however, you are low on self-esteem, with a strapped budget, but shooting for the stars, welcome to my auction.
Standard Mercedes rust on arches etc. As expected from a vehicle of this fine vintage
As you can see from the photos this car has seen things… things it cannot forget.
I have owned this car for three years and up to then it had been lovingly cared for and maintained.
Since owning the vehicle, it has been thrashed, raced, rallied, killed three deer, and the interior has been smashed up in a domestic, not to mention the time my wife booted the wing because I suggested she eat a salad or two (please refer to photo of foot next to dent for reference).
The car was lovingly cleaned in preparation for the 2012 summer Olympics, and maybe in need of another one now.
As for the bad bits… there are none… just kidding there are lots.
The CD changer in the boot doesn’t work, but the radio does. The air conditioning isn’t working, but the electric windows do, so bonus. The car smokes when you boot it hard.
The rear sub frame bushes could probably do with being replaced.
Boot is big enough for two small or one big person. Car sale comes with complementary hostage.
The joke, however, paid off. The seller commented that “we did want to sell the car but when we were taking pictures of it and we saw how bad it was we thought let’s do it in a funny way. Now it’s gone crazy. It was just meant to be a joke.”
Things did indeed go crazy. The eBay ad made the national newspapers and international TV after it went viral on the internet and the resulting bidding war saw this battered Mercedes fetch more than £20,000.
Not bad for a few spoof photos and some tongue in cheek prose.
2/ Slick professionalism: ‘Don’t just make history. Drive it!’
Country: Australia
Car: Holden Barina
Online space: Viral video
Source and images: Drive
Sheer stupidity
Superb stunt
Polished style
Dressed for success
From gritty realism to production values that far outweigh actual car value: we come next to a slick action-packed trailer that formed the centre-piece of a social media campaign to sell a banged up 1999 Holden Barina.
The #BuyMyBarina attracted hundreds of thousands of offers over social media and this video notched up over one million views worldwide.
The campaign received international media attention and even got the guys at Holden flexing their thumbs to tweet their admiration.
It helped, of course, that this Barina happened to belong to an ad agency professional who pulled in the creative efforts of his team to produce and promote the video.
The car was sold to NRMA Insurance, who literally cashed in on its fame with more slick videos.
Which goes to show that sometimes the list value of a car simply can’t take into account its promotional value.
1/ Surreal sales tactics: ‘Artfully designed by Zeus’
Country: USA
Car: Subaru Brumby
Online space: Gumtree
Source and images: Pedestrian.tv
Sheer stupidity
Superb stunt
Polished style
Dressed for success
The power of words and the comic effect of exaggeration combined sweetly in this Gumtree ad that made a name for itself, and attracted over 20,000 views, by standing out from a sea of bland copy.
Avoiding the usual sterile descriptions and embracing poetic flights of fancy instead helped bring this used car sale to the attention of many.
Here’s the kind of purple prose that is lavished on an otherwise very ordinary Subaru Brumby:
Fabricated from rare minerals excavated from the core of Mount Olympus, artfully designed by Zeus and skilfully handcrafted in the Land of the Rising Sun by the deft hands of the infamous 7 Samurai.
This Japanese rice-rocket is unquestionably the most heroic form of transport since the Apollo 11 lunar module.
It is powered by nuclear fusion (makes Coles/Woolies fuel vouchers redundant).
The windscreen wiper jets are filled with the tears of Jesus (washes away the most sinful grime).
Manufactured in 1991, this Brumby was responsible for the Grunge movement. If Kurt Cobain owned one, Nirvana would still be thrashing out tunes.
Who needs slick videos when you have a way with words?
You don’t have to be mad to sell cars: but it helps
Crazy isn’t it?
The lengths people will go to just to sell their car online.
But if it all seems like too much of a palaver you can sell your car fast with us anytime: no song, dance, video, photoshoot, poetry or creativity required.
Job done!
